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A response to a list I wrote five and a half years ago, “Ten Honest Thoughts From A Fragile-Hearted Girl.”

1. I did it: I am a truth-teller. I have magically found a way to it. I have found people who have the time—make the time—for my long truths and vague words. Darling, we did it: we are truth-tellers.

2. Nowadays, my heart is weakened and my hands are reaching out for something. My heart is stretched thin and my hands, my tiny, strong hands are stretched in desperation and stubborn hope.

3. My knees still buckle, but these days it is my hands. I forget entire days, literally. I am still not in control.

4. I have found a medical note, and I have found people who take it.

5. There is still so much suffering and there are so many hands, urgently desiring to help.

6. There is no medication for invisible hurt, no—but there is medication for those little synapses. And when it works, there is some hope for doing the healing myself.

7. There is no point in looking back, but I still do. Some days I think I chose this, after all.

8. Mistakes are so costly and the balance of currency and breaths have both become so low.

9. I want to be an earth-mover, but maybe I don’t need to be…?

10. All I ever want is to feel safe.

Apple Nocom

Apple is a witch, a writer, and a mental health advocate from the Philippines. She keeps a blog as a creative outlet and a self-care diary, so she writes about depression, self-improvement, art projects, spiritual practices and other things that help her cope.

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