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After my hundredth night struggling with sleep, I began lurking around Reddit more frequently. I chanced upon some meditation recos and mentally listed some to try over quarantine. I was being battered by tension migraines every night, so a “progressive muscle relaxation” exercise seemed in order.

Something happened that night that I haven’t experienced since my active reiki days. Something mundanely mystical. I don’t talk about those experiences very much, much less blog about them, so here goes.

I slowed my breathing and closed my eyes, bringing my attention to my feet, where the pain was. Very suddenly, in a way that was neither predictable nor shocking, I could picture a luminous being next to my bed.

This was the second time a luminous being has appeared in my meditation. The first time, there were more of them and they actually arrived midway.

The figure standing next to my bed was shaped like a person, except made entirely of glowing cool light. It was a very faded mental image or a memory; it wasn’t clear or solid at all, so I knew I was only visualizing it. Still, it was there, standing next to my bed and facilitating my healing.

It (or they?) felt more earthly than angels,* though at some point I did wonder if it was a deity, a spirit guide or a messenger of some kind. At some moments, it appeared to become smaller. I thought it might be my inner child—which would be strange and ironic because the inner child is typically the one who needs healing.

Anyway, the meditation went on. I breathed. I let waves of relaxation wash over me slowly, bit by bit, as the luminous held its hands over my pain.

For once, I tried not to force any meaning out of it. (Sorry, if you look forward to my overphilosophizing. Ha.) I tried not to expect too much either, as if it would in any way heal me or change the way my life is going. I just trusted that the being was good, felt grateful for its visit, and tried to get some sleep.

I did.

*I’ve never encountered angels, but I imagined it would be overwhelming.

“The Isolation Journals” is a 30-day quarantine creativity project. It was created by the brilliant Suleika Jaouad for the challenging occasion that is COVID-19. A different journaling prompt lands in my inbox every day for the month of April, each one from a different writer, artist, musician or thinker.

In Jaouad’s own words, “The goal of this is not to write the next King Lear or to churn out publishable masterpieces. It’s an opportunity to pause, take a few moments to exhale and reflect, and to expand our creativity as a community during this extremely challenging time.”

Entries are written first in my offline journal and then backposted to the blog as the date it was composed. Read all series posts from the beginning.

Today’s prompt, which was one of my favorites, is from writer and singer-songwriter, Alexa Wildling, and her clever seven-year-old son Lou, a cancer survivor.

Apple Nocom

Apple is a witch, a writer, and a mental health advocate from the Philippines. She keeps a blog as a creative outlet and a self-care diary, so she writes about depression, self-improvement, art projects, spiritual practices and other things that help her cope.

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